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“”Is or isn’t Ikea sexist? After assuming that Swedish furniture was a bit on the
namby-pamby side, now I’m not sure. Crazed riots notwithstanding, in my mind it
all comes down to garden gnomes. As Gary noted in his post-Ikea post, one item
that caused us both to raise a giggling eyebrow were these terracotta
“gnome-like things.” Although Gary delicately avoided the question of what these
“things” really resemble, I’ll grab the “thing” by the hat. In ancient Greece,
people decorated their gardens with stone statues of Priapus, his mythic
endowments serving to scare away birds, fertility-draining demons, and
harvest-raiding thieves. “You don’t have to be rich, just smart,” the billboard
outside the Houston Ikea boasts: I’d add that to protect your garden and prove
your manliness, you don’t have to speak (or fight) loudly, just carry a big, um,
gnome-like thing. Fellows, if your mild-mannered Ed Norton lifestyle is growing
tiresome but you don’t want to break a well-manicured nail by punching a sweaty
stranger, you can buy a small but well-endowed Bad Boy–your very own gnome-like
thing–to patrol your garden. Sexist or no, terracotta manliness is kind of
cute. You don’t have to be rich to boast of such…”
Lorianne DiSabato
“Hoarded Ordinaries”
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